...who told me about his DUI within the first hour of our first date.

My most recent date, just 4 days ago to be exact... a tad bit of background, his family is friends with  my parents, he just got back from Afghanistan, I met him BRIEFLY when I went to his uncle's house to pick up my puppy (he lives in his uncle's guest house). Again, let me stress that we met BRIEFLY. Basically got each other's names, I took notice of his Dodger flag, mentioned it, he said he loves the Dodgers... and that was about it. 
Okay, now onto the good stuff...
First, he called my dad to get my number. My Dad gives it to him... my poor Dad, he just really wants me to have a boyfriend already. 
So, he calls me that night around 5, I answer. The first thing I notice are these long pauses, like delays, when he talked to me.

And i'm thinking "damn, this guy has a shitty phone" or he's still in Afghanistan and we're communicating via satellite.

So he asks what i'm doing and I say cooking dinner, and then long pause...  

he says he wants to go out to dinner and drinks and I say sure, and then he says"well, since you already have dinner plans tonight, how about tomorrow night?"

and I'm thinking "damn, this guy is quick! whoa!"

So I tell him I'm going to text him my address... long pause... he tells me that he doesn't get texts on his phone, oh he tells me he doesn't get texts on his new 'smart phone.' (who calls phones 'smart phones' anymore? aren't they all just the standard phones now??)

So then I'm convinced his phone just sucks, with these long delays and no texting.

But then comes the date...

I was wrong... he just talks with a MASSIVE delay.

We got to an Italian restaurant and the waiter brings the wine list, I decline. Then he declines.

Then about a good 10-15 minutes later he says "so, I noticed.... that you turned down the wine list....... is it because you don't drink?"

and I tell him that I drink, socially, but didn't feel like having any wine

...long pause...

Since no one's talking, I say "and you? you turned it down too"

and he looks at me like he doesn't understand my question.

So then I say "do you drink?"

"oh, do I drink? .....hah! oh boy...... yes... I do like to drink. I love to drink"

and i'm just like ok.

Then he adds "yeah... the good thing... about you not drinking, is that.... you won't get a DUI"

and then he laughs.

I say "well let's hope not."

and then he says "yeah.... I have one under my belt already... got that out of the way"

AWK-WARD.

Is that something that turns a girl on? "Hey baby, i got a DUI... wanna go out?"

I mean it is one thing to like the 'bad boy' but no, this is just too much. DUI's are no joke. And I am not impressed. 

The date went on and on, just more awkwardness... more... long... pauses...

Sigh, what can I say? 

There will not be a second date.